What country, friends, is this?

(Lila and Roan)

We moved to Brooklyn two months after Lila's second birthday, and in the six months since, her emotional development has overtaken the galloping language and motor skills that dominated the prior 12 months. This age is rife with surprises, almost all of them thrilling for a parent. After two years of puzzling over what could be going on in that little head of hers, she is finally able to tell us more and more about what she's thinking and feeling.




One phrase we hear constantly from Lila now is, "Are you happy?" At first she wanted to gauge the highs and lows of mommy and daddy, then it became important to constantly monitor our feelings about her ("Mommy, are you happy with me?"), and lately she has been searching for ways to articulate the feelings of others. Recently at the playground, for example, a little girl standing near us cried while her mother threatened to take her home if she didn't stop crying. The girl didn't stop crying and the mother didn't take her home, so the stand-off was extended for a good 15 minutes. Finally, Lila turned to me and said in the earshot of both of them, "Mommy, I think that mommy is frustrated and that little girl is tired" (And with that, the girl stopped crying and the mommy took her home).




Perhaps it's been most fascinating watching Lila's interactions with her peers morph into textured relationships. We met Lila's good friend Roan at a sing-a-long soon upon our arrival in Brooklyn, and then a few days later, discovered he was in Lila's small playgroup. He has an infectious personality, and in many ways is very different from Lila, which I think she finds intriguing. He is very affectionate where Lila is reserved, social where Lila is shy, and commanding when Lila prefers to let others lead. Her affection for him seems to run a wee bit deeper than that for her other friends, but they have at times gotten so angry with each other that playdates have had to be terminated due to irreconcilable differences. She alternately wants to please and torment him, and her skill at doing the latter is a tantalizing power trip that requires a fair amount of monitoring when they are together. But when they are apart, she filters much of her world through sharing it with him, imagining where or what he is doing at any given moment, and when she will see him next.

It reminds me of my friend Jeff, who I met at two and a half, when we moved from California to Rhode Island and landed across the street from him. My memories of California are fleeting, and I don't remember a single child I played with, but I can remember the first day I met him; he came over and asked me if I wanted to ride in his red wagon. Turbulent adolescent years aside, we have remained friends, and there's something quite comforting about a friendship with roots as old as my consciousness. Who knows what the future will bring for us in Brooklyn, but I hope Lila and Roan stay connected.

And as much as I dread the inevitable slow leaving that life commands Lila take from me, there's something about watching her dive into the sea of other people and make her way with confidence that makes me feel like I've done something right.